day fifteen
You Are
I was re-reading what I wrote yesterday and it made me laugh. For those of you who read this as closely as I write it, I just want to say that I do not believe I have communion with hawks, or any other sort of birds. I'm kooky, but not that kooky.
On a totally different subject, I have heard Francis Chan say of late that if you are faithful with the little things, God will entrust you with the bigger things.
Which made me think, do I want the bigger things?
Maybe I'm looking at it wrong, because by bigger things in ministry it's easy to suppose it means more authority, a higher level of priesthood. Praying for the nations, the president of the United States, leading prayer for a group like Passion...are these all bigger things in intercession?
This morning in church I was crying. Not unusual for me, but I was really crying for myself. My husband is really sick, my brother who I love dearly is going through possibly the hardest time of his life, and a good friend lost her brother yesterday. There is sorrow.
In a room of 1,000 people, I felt alone. I knew there were about 3 people I could go to and they would minister to me in a heartbeat. But I didn't want to bother them. They are the same three people who minister to the majority of our church. Joy, I tell myself, be joyful, as if I could be by force of will alone. "Are you Anne Smith?" a lady asks me. She just wants to put a face with a name of someone she had heard prayed for "us." Which was very nice. A little later someone asked what was wrong. I told her people were dying, were dead. "Literally?"she said. "Yes," I say. End of conversation as worship begins. Later, she asks for my email address so she can send me her prayer requests.
In all honesty, on a day like today, I do fantasize about being in a church where no one knows me for anyone but a child of God. Faithful in the little things.
I am truly grateful for the close circle of friends I have that help me to live out my identity as a daughter of a King over any calling in ministry. My job at Imagine Art is such a gift from God, as I get to be faithful in the little things.
I get to serve artists with head injuries, autistic artists, blind artists, starving artists, homeless artists. Angry artists, crazy artists. They just know me as Anne, or some not even that. I am challenged to be like Jesus to those who have never really experienced him. Most have no clue what intercession is; that I'm praying for them. I get to see the fruit of my prayers because these are some of the ones the Bible talks about being closest to the heart of Jesus.
As I thought upon that, I realized this is the bigger thing God has called me to do. Passion and their leaders could tell me tomorrow they don't want me to pray anymore for them, their conferences, and I would be more than okay. Matt Carter could tell me the same and I would probably fight him on it, but it would be okay.
Lord, let me be faithful to You. To whom else can I go? You alone have the words of eternal life.
I was re-reading what I wrote yesterday and it made me laugh. For those of you who read this as closely as I write it, I just want to say that I do not believe I have communion with hawks, or any other sort of birds. I'm kooky, but not that kooky.
On a totally different subject, I have heard Francis Chan say of late that if you are faithful with the little things, God will entrust you with the bigger things.
Which made me think, do I want the bigger things?
Maybe I'm looking at it wrong, because by bigger things in ministry it's easy to suppose it means more authority, a higher level of priesthood. Praying for the nations, the president of the United States, leading prayer for a group like Passion...are these all bigger things in intercession?
This morning in church I was crying. Not unusual for me, but I was really crying for myself. My husband is really sick, my brother who I love dearly is going through possibly the hardest time of his life, and a good friend lost her brother yesterday. There is sorrow.
In a room of 1,000 people, I felt alone. I knew there were about 3 people I could go to and they would minister to me in a heartbeat. But I didn't want to bother them. They are the same three people who minister to the majority of our church. Joy, I tell myself, be joyful, as if I could be by force of will alone. "Are you Anne Smith?" a lady asks me. She just wants to put a face with a name of someone she had heard prayed for "us." Which was very nice. A little later someone asked what was wrong. I told her people were dying, were dead. "Literally?"she said. "Yes," I say. End of conversation as worship begins. Later, she asks for my email address so she can send me her prayer requests.
In all honesty, on a day like today, I do fantasize about being in a church where no one knows me for anyone but a child of God. Faithful in the little things.
I am truly grateful for the close circle of friends I have that help me to live out my identity as a daughter of a King over any calling in ministry. My job at Imagine Art is such a gift from God, as I get to be faithful in the little things.
I get to serve artists with head injuries, autistic artists, blind artists, starving artists, homeless artists. Angry artists, crazy artists. They just know me as Anne, or some not even that. I am challenged to be like Jesus to those who have never really experienced him. Most have no clue what intercession is; that I'm praying for them. I get to see the fruit of my prayers because these are some of the ones the Bible talks about being closest to the heart of Jesus.
As I thought upon that, I realized this is the bigger thing God has called me to do. Passion and their leaders could tell me tomorrow they don't want me to pray anymore for them, their conferences, and I would be more than okay. Matt Carter could tell me the same and I would probably fight him on it, but it would be okay.
Lord, let me be faithful to You. To whom else can I go? You alone have the words of eternal life.