running to stand still

what can i do but thank You
what can i do but give my life to You
hallelujah hallelujah
what can i do but praise You
every day make everything I do
a hallelujah
paul baloche, what can i do

I've decided to take advantage of the fact that Steve is wounded and cannot run, to start running again myself. It's possible by the time he is better I may be at a place where we can actually run together.

I've dusted off my favorite book on running, whose title pretty much sums it all up: No Need for Speed. The last time I ran was in 2002, at Austin's 5K Jingle Bell run. I remember having violent bursts of anger about 2/3rds of the way through because Steve was leaving me behind pushing a double jogging stroller. I told him I would never run with him again. He thought it was funny I was so mad. I hate being left behind.

After spending the last year working out in a gym, I am liking the aloneness of running again outside. I don't really care about speed or stride, except for when Steve is beating me. I like knowing that as God is healing the hurts I've carried on the inside, my body is getting stronger on the outside. I like running in the Texas heat of July, knowing come December I'll be loving running at night, able to see my breath against the air lit by a staccato of Christmas lights.

I don't have any other goals in sight other than to run. We are heading to a California beach at the end of this month and I'm looking forward to running there in the sand, with little speed. I know I will go to sit down in a secluded place and Jesus will be already there. I can't wait. To breathe in and out with Him.

Pete Greig wrote this in the book he co-authored with Andy Freeman, Punk Monk: "The world does not need more words. It doesn't need a busier church, not does it need - God help us- a better branded gospel. What the world needs are people...who have spent so much time in the presence of God that their very life has become a form of blessing." That's all I want to be. A blessing to God.

It's raining as I write this, the clouds formed as I sat down to write and now there is a downpour. I love the rain, it will always remind me of the love of Jesus. It's enough just to be here with him.
I'm thirsty for God-alive.
I wonder, "Will I ever make it-
arrive and drink in God's presence?"

Then God promises to love me all day,
sing songs all through the night!
My life is God's prayer.
(from psalm 42, the message)