throw me a line

Send me a sign
A hint, a whisper
Throw me a line
'Cause I am listening

Tomorrow I'm going to go visit my brother. I am glad for this; I haven't seen him since Super Bowl Sunday. And Steve and I will have our first contact visit ever with him, which means sitting across from him in a crowded cafeteria full of prisoners and their families. I can hug him, which I haven't done since the morning of his trial, over a year ago. I can buy him treats from the vending machine with the roll of quarters I'm allowed to bring in, like he's some sort of caged animal. I am glad, but am I excited? No, I'm not excited to see my brother as a prisoner. I'm not excited to spend several hours at a prison. I will never be excited about that.

Come break the quiet

Breathe Your awakening
Bring me to life
'Cause I am fading

(surround me)

The rush of angels' wings

But there will be children visiting their daddies that I can pray for. As much as my heart can take it. Wanting to be strong. I can encourage my brother about being one of the worship leaders in the chapel services. Applaud his innovative efforts of creating a guitar pick from a cheese whiz can. Laugh with him. Talk about football. And probably cry with him.

I am so thankful for my husband who is my strong support. Who tells me on my darkest days that I'm not crazy. That I'm not chronically depressed like the snuggie-wearing TV commercial people staring out their windows at the rain. "You are grieving. But you are living life, you haven't stopped living," he tells me.

It's true, I haven't stopped living. It means tears come in the middle of Central Market, the school car line, girls night out. Grief isn't a very good boundary minder. Healing tears come when I sing and pray. And I know I could medicate myself to mask the pain. And every day would feel like Christmas, for a while. But I just don't want to. I just want Jesus.

Shine Your light so I can see You
Pull me up, I need to be near You
Hold me, I need to feel loved
Can You overcome this heart that's overcome?

You sent a sign

A hint, a whisper
Human divine
Heaven is listening
Death laid love quiet
Yet in the night a stirring

(all around)

The rush of angels

Oh, the wonder of

The greatest love has come

Shine Your light so all can see it
Lift it up, 'cause the whole world needs it
Love has come what joy to hear it
He has overcome

He has overcome

SMS[SHINE] by the David Crowder Band