r is for rejection

Well, since I tackled pride last night thought I would move right on to rejection tonight.

I really struggle with this. I'd go so far as to say I have carried a spirit of rejection. And let me tell you something about that. It will work it's way into every relationship you have and it's not satisfied until it has done it's job.

There are not a lot of self-help books on rejection out there, at least not where I shop. Not too many godly advice-givers on how to handle it other than to recognize it for what it is and to recognize you are in good company because Jesus was rejected a hell of a lot.

The thing about rejection is, it makes you strive even harder to be accepted. The spirit of rejection wants you to punish yourself for not being accepted. It encourages you to give up in relationships. When you have a choice of believing or doubting, you will doubt.

What it comes down to for me, I think, is why can't I be satisfied with the acceptance of Jesus alone? Why do I think life will be so great with the acceptance of man? I have had people I esteemed accept me, only to later reject me. I don't think I'm too alone in this, but it made me feel like I was pretty much the worst failure on the planet. It shuts you down fast and that is it's aim.

Honestly, I know I'm not there yet - totally free of this spirit of rejection. This week as our church fasts and prays, my solid prayer is for God to free me of it.

As I prayed tonight and cried out to God, I asked Him to let me feel special in His eyes. I felt so selfish praying that. I know my husband and family love me deeply, but it's Him that I need to go to for acceptance. I want so to be there.

In His mercy, He brought to mind the intercession room in Mexico City I was a part of last year at a Passion conference. The team of intercessors there were amazing, a group of 3 different generations that came from a church in Puebla that has a 24-7 prayer room. The oldest generation that came to pray I don't think ever left the room we had in Mexico City. They had no interest whatsoever in going into the arena to experience the worship and teaching there. They came to pray. They were like prayer squatters.

I would leave the room after 3 hours of praying, take a break of about 3 hours and then go back again. These intercessors would come up to me one by one and say in spanish, (which my mom who came with, translated): "I was praying you would come back. I have a verse for you."

Then they would share scripture the Lord gave them for me. They would stand around me with their old Bibles, saying the words in Spanish, pointing to the words and smiling at me with so much love as my mom translated for them. It would have creeped me out if it hadn't been of God. Instead, it wrecked me out. If you have ever been prayed for by godly, elderly intercessors who are strangers to you, you know what I experienced. Words straight from the Lord about my identity in Him. How He saw me. How He loved me. What He called me. What my purposes in Him were.

I am so, so thankful. Those verses are underlined in my Bible. Yet still I can quickly forget how the Lord sees me and focus instead on how man sees me. How I have failed. And the lie that those verses, those words of love don't really apply to me.

This is what I know. When you are dealing with a spirit of rejection, you need to get on your face and humble yourself. You need to ask God why it matters so much what others think of you. Even if you don't know the root of why (as I don't totally...and please don't email me with your guesses :), you have got to believe and trust that what God thinks of you is enough.

I'll pray for you, and you pray for me, and we'll watch God change things.

And you have got to believe He sees you as special, precious and without blemish.

Those who are wise shall shine

Like the brightness of the firmament,

And those who turn many to

righteousness,

Like the stars forever and ever.

Daniel 12:3