the God of all comfort
Rick Warren has become one of my favorite pastors to listen to as of late, as he has so much wisdom to share on loss and heartbreak since the suicidal death of his son about a year ago. He grieves with hope, and I need to hear it, as do many others. His sermon from last Sunday entitled "How God Blesses Broken Hearts" is one of the best sermons I have heard on grief. Maybe because both his love for Jesus and his broken heart are so big.
You are either grieving or know someone who is. Or maybe a little of both. Or a lot of both. I don't know your story. But here's a little of mine. For those of you who have not heard it before.
Our family was at a church we loved for about seven years. God called us there, no doubt in my mind about it all. I was in ministry the whole time we were there, and I can say I loved that church with a heart and love that was from the Lord. I mean I loved it passionately and I thought I would be there until I left this earth. Part of me still loves that church. I would never deny that. Whenever I run into someone from that church, whether I know them or not, it's a bittersweet joy. Joy in knowing I was a part of an amazing move of God. Bittersweet in that I'm no longer there.
It's a beautiful thing to have God's heart for a whole community of believers, no matter the circumstance. Beautiful.
After seven years, we left the church feeling hurt, undervalued, uncared for and with little community left to call our own. Were we really undervalued? Uncared for? Should we have left? Maybe not. But we did. We really were at a loss of what else to do, and had no counsel, right or wrong. Do I blame anyone? No, I really don't.
A short time after we left I had second thoughts. My heart was still very much there. But as we tried to go back, it became clear we would not be stopped -- we may even be welcomed - but the door to ministry was shut. I had done some things that really upset and maybe even hurt some people. Honestly, I don't really know to what extent as they were not interested in even having that conversation. They were not willing to be in ministry with me anymore. And that was really hard at the time. But that part of my grief is behind me. I can see how the Lord was in it; He was not going to allow us to go back. And I believe those involved have forgiven me as I have forgiven them.
But that doesn't mean the grief was washed away in the act of forgiveness. That doesn't mean the huge heart of God which led me to minister at that church in the first place, wasn't broken in a huge way. Because of my sin, because of my hurt, and because of the calling on my life. I totally know it.
I've told the story here before on this blog. But it bears re-telling. As I listened to Rick Warren's sermon on broken heartedness, I realized I have grieved well. There have been people who have not understood my grief, or why it has lasted so long. They have no idea the depth of which I loved and ministered with God's heart. I don't think I even know how much. I still cry about leaving that church. But I can say this - I would never trade how much love God gave me for that church. Even if it meant grieving about it leaving 5 years later. That kind of grief doesn't leave you completely. You don't go around it, over it, but you go through it. And if you are leaning into God, it changes you and it grows you.
I'm not engulfed by my grief. It comes in waves. It has lessened. I really thought at the time it happened I would die, of a broken heart and shame over my sin and any pain I had caused. The depth of my broken heart was only measured by how deep I loved in the first place. The human heart is deceitful. But God's is not. It is pure and it cannot be measured.
I share this because I hope and pray it can help someone else to hear my story. If you have had any kind of major loss, let yourself grieve. Don't avoid it. Do not worry what others will think. Grieve as long as you need to. Do not listen to what others tell you in regards to how long you are taking. Do not minimize it. I've had people try to diagnose my grief as unforgiveness in their wanting to understand it. But it hasn't been the case. Really examine your heart before you accept what others are telling you. You can forgive and still grieve. Your grief doesn't need defending or explaining. It's a feeling, and it's not wrong or right. It's healthy to grieve.
God has used my grief and my subsequent depression that lasted almost 3 years. He works everything for His good. Romans 8:28. And he has also used my sin. I am totally free of depression, by the way. Not that I don't have hard moments or days. I don't think you can live in reality and be totally depression free.
I don't like to go into detail on my blog or anywhere else about the sin I was in...mainly because I've been forgiven...but if I have friends or family going through something similar, I am always ready to share my story. I want others to avoid what I went through. I want to be someone who will hold others accountable. I wish someone would have held me accountable in my sin. And I'm so grateful when the Lord does use me to minister.
He has restored my ministry to others. He has bound up my broken heart. He is the God of all comfort. I find refuge in His word. He gives me words to pray, His heart to share. He has changed me.
Grief for others is also healthy. God will use your own experience of grief for someone else. (2 Corinthians 4:13) If God is causing you to grieve over a person or situation, don't ignore it. Recently a young friend and co-laborer of my dad's died tragically; she drowned after slipping on a rock into a tremendously cold lake. When I heard the news and learned of how she had previously lost a brother to suicide as a teenager, and her mother's extreme broken heart over the first child, I was devastated. I sat in my car in the Central Market parking lot and just let myself cry.
I had to wonder at my tears. I can be dramatic, as many women are, at certain times of the month. But I know enough about the heart of God and how he uses us to intercede. I know I am still experiencing his broken heartedness over that mother's loss. The depth of his heart knows no bounds.
If you find yourself burdened for others losses, let yourself cry. It is intercession to let God's heart move through yours. Be stirred to pray. Grieve when He grieves. And rejoice when He rejoices.
(Romans 12: 15) There is much to rejoice about!!!
If you like to listen to podcasts and want more on how God blesses the broken hearted, I encourage you to listen to Rick Warren's sermon on grief.
And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge -- that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God. Ephesians 3:17-19 (NIV)
You are either grieving or know someone who is. Or maybe a little of both. Or a lot of both. I don't know your story. But here's a little of mine. For those of you who have not heard it before.
Our family was at a church we loved for about seven years. God called us there, no doubt in my mind about it all. I was in ministry the whole time we were there, and I can say I loved that church with a heart and love that was from the Lord. I mean I loved it passionately and I thought I would be there until I left this earth. Part of me still loves that church. I would never deny that. Whenever I run into someone from that church, whether I know them or not, it's a bittersweet joy. Joy in knowing I was a part of an amazing move of God. Bittersweet in that I'm no longer there.
It's a beautiful thing to have God's heart for a whole community of believers, no matter the circumstance. Beautiful.
After seven years, we left the church feeling hurt, undervalued, uncared for and with little community left to call our own. Were we really undervalued? Uncared for? Should we have left? Maybe not. But we did. We really were at a loss of what else to do, and had no counsel, right or wrong. Do I blame anyone? No, I really don't.
A short time after we left I had second thoughts. My heart was still very much there. But as we tried to go back, it became clear we would not be stopped -- we may even be welcomed - but the door to ministry was shut. I had done some things that really upset and maybe even hurt some people. Honestly, I don't really know to what extent as they were not interested in even having that conversation. They were not willing to be in ministry with me anymore. And that was really hard at the time. But that part of my grief is behind me. I can see how the Lord was in it; He was not going to allow us to go back. And I believe those involved have forgiven me as I have forgiven them.
But that doesn't mean the grief was washed away in the act of forgiveness. That doesn't mean the huge heart of God which led me to minister at that church in the first place, wasn't broken in a huge way. Because of my sin, because of my hurt, and because of the calling on my life. I totally know it.
I've told the story here before on this blog. But it bears re-telling. As I listened to Rick Warren's sermon on broken heartedness, I realized I have grieved well. There have been people who have not understood my grief, or why it has lasted so long. They have no idea the depth of which I loved and ministered with God's heart. I don't think I even know how much. I still cry about leaving that church. But I can say this - I would never trade how much love God gave me for that church. Even if it meant grieving about it leaving 5 years later. That kind of grief doesn't leave you completely. You don't go around it, over it, but you go through it. And if you are leaning into God, it changes you and it grows you.
I'm not engulfed by my grief. It comes in waves. It has lessened. I really thought at the time it happened I would die, of a broken heart and shame over my sin and any pain I had caused. The depth of my broken heart was only measured by how deep I loved in the first place. The human heart is deceitful. But God's is not. It is pure and it cannot be measured.
I share this because I hope and pray it can help someone else to hear my story. If you have had any kind of major loss, let yourself grieve. Don't avoid it. Do not worry what others will think. Grieve as long as you need to. Do not listen to what others tell you in regards to how long you are taking. Do not minimize it. I've had people try to diagnose my grief as unforgiveness in their wanting to understand it. But it hasn't been the case. Really examine your heart before you accept what others are telling you. You can forgive and still grieve. Your grief doesn't need defending or explaining. It's a feeling, and it's not wrong or right. It's healthy to grieve.
God has used my grief and my subsequent depression that lasted almost 3 years. He works everything for His good. Romans 8:28. And he has also used my sin. I am totally free of depression, by the way. Not that I don't have hard moments or days. I don't think you can live in reality and be totally depression free.
I don't like to go into detail on my blog or anywhere else about the sin I was in...mainly because I've been forgiven...but if I have friends or family going through something similar, I am always ready to share my story. I want others to avoid what I went through. I want to be someone who will hold others accountable. I wish someone would have held me accountable in my sin. And I'm so grateful when the Lord does use me to minister.
He has restored my ministry to others. He has bound up my broken heart. He is the God of all comfort. I find refuge in His word. He gives me words to pray, His heart to share. He has changed me.
Grief for others is also healthy. God will use your own experience of grief for someone else. (2 Corinthians 4:13) If God is causing you to grieve over a person or situation, don't ignore it. Recently a young friend and co-laborer of my dad's died tragically; she drowned after slipping on a rock into a tremendously cold lake. When I heard the news and learned of how she had previously lost a brother to suicide as a teenager, and her mother's extreme broken heart over the first child, I was devastated. I sat in my car in the Central Market parking lot and just let myself cry.
I had to wonder at my tears. I can be dramatic, as many women are, at certain times of the month. But I know enough about the heart of God and how he uses us to intercede. I know I am still experiencing his broken heartedness over that mother's loss. The depth of his heart knows no bounds.
If you find yourself burdened for others losses, let yourself cry. It is intercession to let God's heart move through yours. Be stirred to pray. Grieve when He grieves. And rejoice when He rejoices.
(Romans 12: 15) There is much to rejoice about!!!
If you like to listen to podcasts and want more on how God blesses the broken hearted, I encourage you to listen to Rick Warren's sermon on grief.
And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge -- that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God. Ephesians 3:17-19 (NIV)