hey la, hey la la
I'm lying on our hammock under the pear tree in our backyard, watching a grackle as she flies from the rooftop, to the neighbor's tree, then over to another rooftop across the alley. She squawks as she goes. Her nest is in the pear tree I'm under and she can't stand it.
I wonder to myself if God hears my prayers like the squawking of the grackle. "I want my nest! I want my nest!" Grackles get the brunt of it in the bird world; we see them with disdain, commenting, 'oh those birds!' They dirty up my birdbath before the small sparrow or gray dove can get to it. But in the words of James Herriot, "the Lord God made them all." The grackle in it's dingy coat of feathers is beautiful to Him. It's squawks are beautiful to him.
I have felt like a bird flying from place to place, searching for a place to nest. On a search for more community, landing first in our little neighborhood church, we made some great friends, but knew there was more. A few others joined in, as the Lord led them, and the flock grew and found home at Hope in the City. I have an irrevocable love for Austin, with the trampling of undergrads in it's streets. It's a Jesus thing.
I feel like I have a place to land. Where I can fully be myself. I'm not as graceful as a dove, or small as a sparrow. But I'm uniquely loved by the Lord. In these last months of deep sorrow, He has told me over and over again, "I will never leave you or forsake you." When others don't understand, He has. He put just the right people in my life to minister to me. He gave me a husband who has been like a rock, once again. Jesus has given me visions of himself when I desperate for Him to show himself. That alone makes depression worth it.
I'm ready to minister again, I ache for it. I want to be like Peter and walk on water. My big toe is going in, testing the waters. I am stronger yet I am weaker. Steve and I and my boys are more unified. Our dog still thinks he's my mate...but that's another story.
Like Peter, I will always be with Jesus on the beach in my heart. Ministry or not. I want to say those words of Peter over and over again to God, "Lord, to whom shall we go? Only you have the words of eternal life!"
I can rest here. I can know the Lord loves me, and I can love here.
I wonder to myself if God hears my prayers like the squawking of the grackle. "I want my nest! I want my nest!" Grackles get the brunt of it in the bird world; we see them with disdain, commenting, 'oh those birds!' They dirty up my birdbath before the small sparrow or gray dove can get to it. But in the words of James Herriot, "the Lord God made them all." The grackle in it's dingy coat of feathers is beautiful to Him. It's squawks are beautiful to him.
I have felt like a bird flying from place to place, searching for a place to nest. On a search for more community, landing first in our little neighborhood church, we made some great friends, but knew there was more. A few others joined in, as the Lord led them, and the flock grew and found home at Hope in the City. I have an irrevocable love for Austin, with the trampling of undergrads in it's streets. It's a Jesus thing.
I feel like I have a place to land. Where I can fully be myself. I'm not as graceful as a dove, or small as a sparrow. But I'm uniquely loved by the Lord. In these last months of deep sorrow, He has told me over and over again, "I will never leave you or forsake you." When others don't understand, He has. He put just the right people in my life to minister to me. He gave me a husband who has been like a rock, once again. Jesus has given me visions of himself when I desperate for Him to show himself. That alone makes depression worth it.
I'm ready to minister again, I ache for it. I want to be like Peter and walk on water. My big toe is going in, testing the waters. I am stronger yet I am weaker. Steve and I and my boys are more unified. Our dog still thinks he's my mate...but that's another story.
Like Peter, I will always be with Jesus on the beach in my heart. Ministry or not. I want to say those words of Peter over and over again to God, "Lord, to whom shall we go? Only you have the words of eternal life!"
I can rest here. I can know the Lord loves me, and I can love here.