man vs. wild

Let the 25th anniversary posts begin!  Blonde FunkNation, you are one lucky guy to have me.

January, post no. 1.

This post is from 2008, and you can also find it in my book hey poptart guy! 

When you tell people you are going on a marriage retreat, they give you one of two reactions.

One is to seriously size you up, wondering what the problem could be. Because no one would voluntarily go to those things, would they?

The other reaction is to make some joke about your sex life.

In our case, we had no major issue to settle, no 'recipes for romance' needed...but curious really of what goes on at a well-known marriage retreat. We knew if we didn't like what was going on, we could always opt out. I have a fear of being thrown together with other couples I don't know and having to divulge deep dark secrets. We once went to a marriage study where we were asked to unroll toilet paper as we talked about "our trash." We are both still a little scarred from that.

Our weekend starts with a rush to check-in to the resort in San Antonio before the evening session begins on Friday. We get in an argument over the fact we have had no dinner and I'm happy with a Starbucks and cashews in the hotel. Steve would rather fast than eat that for dinner. Conflict intact, I guess we came to the right place after all.

As they begin introductions in the hotel ballroom for the 600 attendees, we discover there is a couple attending who has been married 54 years. I'm impressed they are here, that they want to be here. "There is always more you can learn about one other, right?" says one of the main speakers. I don't feel so strange anymore for being here after almost 20 years of marriage.

During the break we go on a hunt for coffee  - Steve wants some now of course - and run into the Plastic Surgeon conference going on next door to us. I am tempted to get into their buffet line.

 "What do you think?" I want to ask. "How am I holding up for 41?" Instead I just purse my lips at the doctors, as if I have higher things to attend to.

 "Don't you think it's a little bit ironic they are next door to us?" says Steve. "Not a bit," I reply.

One of the main speakers, Ben, looks like my brother Tim. "No, he doesn't," says Steve.

"If Tim and Martin Short had a child, it would be this man," I say. "Oh, I can see that," he replies and laughs. This man is very funny and a great speaker. I'm glad we came.

It's good after 20 years to be able to make each other laugh still. We have a history of us, long and wide, sad and happy. He is the one who makes me feel safest, the one who loves me unconditionally, and the most patient person I have ever met. He is also very funny and I think so cute.

"We have to take this seriously," I tell him. "We can't make fun of people." He looks at me. "Look who's talking."

We do take it seriously, mostly, and learn more about one another over the weekend. Some things aren't all that easy, honestly, but we practice extravagant love with one another, enthusiastic encouragement and generous forgiveness. If you are wondering if I learned these are three ingredients for "how marriages thrive", I did.

The sex talk on Saturday is made through without too much mockery, but not without getting a little grossed out...just fyi, I don't want to know about your sex life. I just don't. Not now. Not ever.

We decide to stay in the room and nap through the conflict talk after lunch and then hike down a trail until the next session begins. The hill country is as beautiful as always. I try to picture the wild horses that once galloped up and down it's hills. There is a chilly wind weaving through a bright blue sky and the hills are blanketed in their dusky autumn coats.

This is a year I have learned to take nothing for granted. Not my husband, not my children. One thing I admire about the ministry that puts on the retreat is their dedication to waving a banner for your family and home. They have great resources for growing a spiritually strong family. I am looking forward to our boys getting older, helping them to grow and nurture the gifts He has given them. It's an awesome responsibility to be their parents.

Saturday night is "date night". We go to a restaurant that has a 90 minute wait and leave. We have a history of doing that. We go back to the hotel and eat at one of their deserted, somewhat overpriced, restaurants. Our candelit table has a view of the sun setting over the hill country. Beautiful and it feels like it's just for us.

We end our evening lying on the hotel bed watching an episode of "Man vs. Wild" on the Discovery channel...a show I am thoroughly fascinated by. As Bear Grylls (can't be his real name) eats the guts of a sea cucumber, I am happy. I am right where I want to be, and with the man God perfectly provided for me for this lifetime. We are not perfect, but His provision always is.

This is my beloved and this is my friend. Song of Solomon 5:16b