the path of the wind

...a time to search and a time to give up..  eccles. 3:6

Our pastor referenced this verse in his sermon on Sunday, and it echoed a thought that's been running through my head.

In preparing for my prayer talk at the recent women's retreat I went on, I rehearsed a little of how I came into the ministry of intercession and where God had taken me through it.  It was a good time of reflection and of moving forward in my own life while doing that preparation.

You know, there are people I have prayed for that when they come to mind I ask God to bless.  I thank God for the grace they've extended me.  I feel the joy of the Lord when I hear their names.  And then there are the others who I just ask God to help me to forgive.  And He is. 

In Anne Graham Lotz's book "Wounded by God's People" she talks a little about reconciliation, how she believes it's always God's will.  But she admits she is not reconciled with everyone who has wounded her, or who she has hurt herself.  I know well what it's like to try to reconcile with someone you have believed for years was your friend, who you believed loved and cared about you and your family.  But as it turned out, it just wasn't true.  It was a lie.  The relationships you thought you had really didn't exist.

That kind of betrayal really shakes you.  But God used it in a way I would have never guessed.  As I found myself so disenchanted with those who led the church, I gained greater compassion and understanding of those who believe all Christians are hypocrites.  Because so very many of us are.  When non-Christians mock me or just don't like me period, I can take it.  What I can do is live a life that speaks louder than any words would, a life of integrity, of respect, of love.  A life that leaves them wondering where my joy comes from.

Sometimes reconciliation among Christians doesn't happen.  And I've come to believe God is okay with that.  I believe in a God who loves me deeply and cares deeply about me.  A God who despises spiritual abuse and betrayal - a God who would never let me go back to a relationship fraught with it even when I myself am open to it.  And for that I am so very thankful.

A time to give up.  I don't really think you can move on to what's next without giving up what's behind.  Not fully.  Like a little girl swinging on the monkey bars, you can't reach the next rung holding onto the one behind you.  You know it's there, but it's inconsequential to your next move.

...a time to keep and a time to throw away, a time to tear and a time to mend, a time to be silent and a time to speak...  eccles. 3: 6 and 7

None of us can really fathom what God is doing, not really at all.  To me, that is the most exciting part of walking in true faith, following a path where only the next step is revealed.  That is where I feel the power of the Holy Spirit at work.  That is the only place I really want to exist this side of eternity.

As you do not know the path of the wind, or how the body is formed in a mother's womb, so you cannot understand the work of God, the Maker of all things.  eccles. 11:5

I am praying some big prayers, asking some big things of God.  I don't know how he will accomplish it, but I definitely believe he will.  Maybe I will get to see all of it.  Maybe I won't. No matter what, He is relentless, miraculous, and always amazing to watch at work.