...and if i saw the world in your eyes
I went to the women's retreat this weekend and it was very good. I took away from it just how much God loves me. I know that, but sometimes it's hard to believe. Thank you to all you who prayed for me, I value you so much. I struggled with being anxious very little and I know it was due to all the prayer.
I just got back from my psychiatrist's office. In December we had lowered my medication and December was a very good month. January - not so good. I wanted to go in there today and tell her to keep lowering my medication, but I couldn't do it. When you are crying everyday and everything from getting out of bed to taking a shower feels hard, it's probably not a sign you are less depressed. Taking several naps a day is also not a good indicator.
So it's been a bittersweet day. Hope for the future. Wishing medication wasn't a part of it.
If I saw the world in Your eyes
Would it help me understand
How you see through all our lies
Still you hold us in our hand
I'm dying to believe
I'm trying to just to show
That we're less than perfect
More than flesh and bone
Another thing I took away from the retreat was refreshment in the spiritual battle against depression. To call out the enemy for the liar he is. You have to fight in the emotional, physical and spiritual realms. I do know this. God has still called me for a purpose. One that I can do with or without medication. I just want Him to use me in loving people, whatever that looks like. Call it ministry. Call it living as a servant like Jesus. I love Him most of all and know He will see me through.
I met a man who walked on water
And He wore His crown like a blue collar
I met a man who welcomed children
Like they were ambassadors to a kingdom
People climbing trees to catch sight of You
Broken and blind looking for the truth
We're crippled by our fears and torments
Oh, Son of man, have pity on Your servants
I wander and want
Squander the riches of Your love
It's never enough for me
Oh, take this poverty
And nail it to the tree
And let all that's captive now go free
I'm free
- lyrics taken from Matt Maher's Flesh and Bone
I just got back from my psychiatrist's office. In December we had lowered my medication and December was a very good month. January - not so good. I wanted to go in there today and tell her to keep lowering my medication, but I couldn't do it. When you are crying everyday and everything from getting out of bed to taking a shower feels hard, it's probably not a sign you are less depressed. Taking several naps a day is also not a good indicator.
So it's been a bittersweet day. Hope for the future. Wishing medication wasn't a part of it.
If I saw the world in Your eyes
Would it help me understand
How you see through all our lies
Still you hold us in our hand
I'm dying to believe
I'm trying to just to show
That we're less than perfect
More than flesh and bone
Another thing I took away from the retreat was refreshment in the spiritual battle against depression. To call out the enemy for the liar he is. You have to fight in the emotional, physical and spiritual realms. I do know this. God has still called me for a purpose. One that I can do with or without medication. I just want Him to use me in loving people, whatever that looks like. Call it ministry. Call it living as a servant like Jesus. I love Him most of all and know He will see me through.
I met a man who walked on water
And He wore His crown like a blue collar
I met a man who welcomed children
Like they were ambassadors to a kingdom
People climbing trees to catch sight of You
Broken and blind looking for the truth
We're crippled by our fears and torments
Oh, Son of man, have pity on Your servants
I wander and want
Squander the riches of Your love
It's never enough for me
Oh, take this poverty
And nail it to the tree
And let all that's captive now go free
I'm free
- lyrics taken from Matt Maher's Flesh and Bone