sometimes I stay up late and write about you the night before our anniversary.

You and I met at a party when I was a junior and you were a senior at Concordia, here in Austin.  Later, you let me sketch you for this rough monotype print on glass I did in my printmaking class.  

Thank God you do not look like this. I also did prints of the "Lost Boys" actors but they did not get saved for 31 years like this somewhat horrifying one did.

But let me back up. 

My freshman year was a dramatic one with the boy I thought I would marry, but in the end he will be remembered as The Boy Who Loved Himself More Than Me. He was followed by A Rebound, followed by I Danced With You At A Nightclub.

Then there was you. The One I Met at a Party And Married. We only talked at this beginning of the school year party because one of my best friends was interested in you. At least that is the story I'm sticking to. You were just back from supervising a summer beach camp which meant:

1) you had an awesome tan 2) you had long blonde beach hair and 3) you probably loved or at least tolerated children, which meant you were kind. 

We stood in the kitchen of this party house, holding our beers, and I thought you had the best smile, and a way about you that was so familiar. 

After that we went to an art museum the next week, and then to a play the next. I drove you around in my VW Rabbit with the KFC mashed potato container under the seat that you discovered adjusting your seat. You didn't drive at all. In fact you rode your bike around Dallas your first year of teaching there, which reminded me of my favorite character on "Thirtysomething."

You were majoring in Education and worked 3 jobs on campus. I was majoring in life as a college student. You let me cut your hair and we went clothes shopping at the Gap when you were nominated for the homecoming court. I, on the other hand, was into cutting my own hair and dying it all shades of red. I wore brown wool sweaters and leggings from Benetton. My dad said I looked like a street walker. You said I looked like an autumn leaf.

You saw me as a diamond in the rough when most saw me as a partier who had no future.

You gave me a reason to leave the partying behind, to take school seriously, and to get healthy.

In many ways you loved me as Christ loves his church.  

We have sailed this sea of marriage for 29 years and counting. Although we may have gone overboard once or twice, we have helped each other back into the boat. We are raising a pirate and a captain I believe; please excuse all the metaphors - you know I love the ocean. Someday we will take that Norwegian cruise we talk about, through the fjords where I believe it will be okay if I get tossed overboard.  Maybe we will renew our vows surrounded by strangers and talk about Jesus saving our lives.

We still find one another interesting and enjoy talking about our kids behind their backs. We are stronger together.  

You have sacrificed a lot. You have worked in a cubicle for the government for 12 plus years. You could be making tons of money with Dell (okay, at least for a few decades), but you gave it up to be more present as a husband and dad. This meant we couldn't take elaborate trips, or buy expensive cars, or live on a ranch as you would like to.

But we laugh a lot. We have more than enough. Our boys still want to eat dinner with us. We have a love for life-long learning and you encouraged me to go back to school when I felt selfish for doing so.  I'm totally okay, by the way, with you retiring while I work until I cannot work anymore.

This is the Steve and Anne story, much abridged. Two pretty young people who honeymooned in Santa Fe and came back with the howling wolves and turquoise jewelry and wool blankets. We didn't have a clue of what the future held: career changes, two boys, a lot of crazy dogs, several houses and churches and sets of friends.  Mental health issues, confidence issues, health issues and kid troubles.

This is long and you are probably the only one who will read it to the end.  Which is fine by me.  You're the best and I love you.

[i carry your heart with me(i carry it in my heart]

i carry your heart with me(i carry it in

my heart)i am never without it(anywhere

i go you go,my dear;and whatever is done

by only me is your doing,my darling)

                                                      i fear

no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet)i want

no world(for beautiful you are my world,my true)

and it’s you are whatever a moon has always meant

and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows

(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud

and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows

higher than soul can hope or mind can hide)

and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)

e.e. cummings