you're like starlight in the dark. (or, what's been going on with me)
In January I started listening to a message series by Levi Lusko, that speaks to the idea of what we could accomplish if we gave ourselves five years to do it. We live in a culture of fast and hard results, and if you are an overachiever like myself, this means you give yourself about 3 months to do what most people want to achieve in 6 or 12.
I began to ponder this idea of a longer goal about the same time my attitude changed at work. I became angry. It was hard to point to any one reason, and I think it was my way of telling myself it was time to move on. Steve and I had been thinking and praying about me leaving for a while, but I was scared to leave the familiar and predictable work life. And the paycheck. As a parent of late teens, predictable is nice. And so is money. But the anger and discontent would not go away, and in early February I left the library.
I initially thought I would find work in the Kyle area, a new start with less of a commute. I was basically going to trade one library job for another. But my heart was not and has not been in it, and since my days are wide open right now, it's given me much time to pray and think and walk with and talk to God.
My thinking of late has been less "this is how it needs to happen" and more "what if." What if I were to follow some dreams I've had for a long time that would lead to purposeful work? What if God and Steve were both saying yes to that? What if I was brave enough?
Fifty is an interesting age. Since turning fifty in August, I have compared myself to many of my peers, friends and relatives of the same age, and where they are in life - career-wise or just in level of satisfaction. Most are pretty content and are reaping the rewards of long careers or life goals. Not that their lives are any easier than mine, but they are into what they were doing.
Meanwhile, I was a part-time library assistant. Period. My boys needed me less. I found myself withdrawing from friends and life because my confidence was plummeting. I'm not talking about social media. I'm talking about real life. I felt like I had nothing to offer. No sage advice, no joy, just a boring person slogging through life. Who would want to hang out with that?
But thankfully I know who I am - even when depressed - and I'm wise enough to know when the enemy is also trying to bring me down. I do know what God has put in me. I am a fighter. I will push when I am down, to get back up. I know my giftings, spiritual and otherwise. But what I didn't have a few months ago was a purpose, other than to be an awesome wife and mom.
I knew the Lord has so much more for me. Do you know this?
Back to Levi Lusko, this sermon series is gold if you are looking for tools on how to realize the dreams God has given you.
"A journey of 10,000 miles begins with a single step," to quote an old old saying.
Take your goals and work them out a step at a time. Choose carefully. Be specific and track diligently what you are trying to accomplish. Make a plan. But give yourself small steps.
'm making a plan. I have decided to go back to school in the fall, to get a second bachelor's degree in a field I have always been interested in (I'll say more when it's closer), and then go on for a master's degree in a narrower field of interest. By 2023 I want to be working in this field.
Step by step.
It's a little scary to walk away from a paycheck. I do get nervous that we won't be able to make our budget, and I am looking for a seasonal job until the fall. I don't expect God to wave a magic wand and make a way for me that way. Today was a hard day for several reasons and I found myself in tears by the lunch hour. Overachievers, unite. I wanted about five answers by noon today, regarding work and school and a certain kid's education that were out of my control.
God has been in my waiting. And honestly, the waiting is not over. He's in the listening and talking. When I am quiet and asking, He is reassuring me with his peace. He is telling me to take heart and to be brave.
I will send the hornet in front of you, and it will drive the Hivites, Canaanites, and Hittites away from you. I will not drive them out ahead of you in a single year; otherwise, the land would become desolate, and wild animals would multiply against you. I will drive them out little by little ahead of you until you have become numerous and take possession of the land. Exodus 23: 28-30
I began to ponder this idea of a longer goal about the same time my attitude changed at work. I became angry. It was hard to point to any one reason, and I think it was my way of telling myself it was time to move on. Steve and I had been thinking and praying about me leaving for a while, but I was scared to leave the familiar and predictable work life. And the paycheck. As a parent of late teens, predictable is nice. And so is money. But the anger and discontent would not go away, and in early February I left the library.
I initially thought I would find work in the Kyle area, a new start with less of a commute. I was basically going to trade one library job for another. But my heart was not and has not been in it, and since my days are wide open right now, it's given me much time to pray and think and walk with and talk to God.
My thinking of late has been less "this is how it needs to happen" and more "what if." What if I were to follow some dreams I've had for a long time that would lead to purposeful work? What if God and Steve were both saying yes to that? What if I was brave enough?
Fifty is an interesting age. Since turning fifty in August, I have compared myself to many of my peers, friends and relatives of the same age, and where they are in life - career-wise or just in level of satisfaction. Most are pretty content and are reaping the rewards of long careers or life goals. Not that their lives are any easier than mine, but they are into what they were doing.
Meanwhile, I was a part-time library assistant. Period. My boys needed me less. I found myself withdrawing from friends and life because my confidence was plummeting. I'm not talking about social media. I'm talking about real life. I felt like I had nothing to offer. No sage advice, no joy, just a boring person slogging through life. Who would want to hang out with that?
But thankfully I know who I am - even when depressed - and I'm wise enough to know when the enemy is also trying to bring me down. I do know what God has put in me. I am a fighter. I will push when I am down, to get back up. I know my giftings, spiritual and otherwise. But what I didn't have a few months ago was a purpose, other than to be an awesome wife and mom.
I knew the Lord has so much more for me. Do you know this?
Back to Levi Lusko, this sermon series is gold if you are looking for tools on how to realize the dreams God has given you.
"A journey of 10,000 miles begins with a single step," to quote an old old saying.
Take your goals and work them out a step at a time. Choose carefully. Be specific and track diligently what you are trying to accomplish. Make a plan. But give yourself small steps.
'm making a plan. I have decided to go back to school in the fall, to get a second bachelor's degree in a field I have always been interested in (I'll say more when it's closer), and then go on for a master's degree in a narrower field of interest. By 2023 I want to be working in this field.
Step by step.
It's a little scary to walk away from a paycheck. I do get nervous that we won't be able to make our budget, and I am looking for a seasonal job until the fall. I don't expect God to wave a magic wand and make a way for me that way. Today was a hard day for several reasons and I found myself in tears by the lunch hour. Overachievers, unite. I wanted about five answers by noon today, regarding work and school and a certain kid's education that were out of my control.
God has been in my waiting. And honestly, the waiting is not over. He's in the listening and talking. When I am quiet and asking, He is reassuring me with his peace. He is telling me to take heart and to be brave.
I will send the hornet in front of you, and it will drive the Hivites, Canaanites, and Hittites away from you. I will not drive them out ahead of you in a single year; otherwise, the land would become desolate, and wild animals would multiply against you. I will drive them out little by little ahead of you until you have become numerous and take possession of the land. Exodus 23: 28-30