no matter where I am
I've been reading Silver Linings Playbook. I really liked the movie. And I really liked this short piece that aired on Katie with the director, Bradley Cooper and Al Pacino. The link shows several pieces, it's the one entitled "what brought the cast to tears."
http://www.katiecouric.com/on-the-show/2013/02/04/the-men-of-silver-linings-playbook/
There is a stigma about mental illness that really needs to go away. Looking back on the roughly two and a half years I struggled with major depression and anxiety (all while on about four medications), I can honestly say there were two friends out of a whole bunch of friends who didn't desert me. Some didn't know what to say. Some told me they got sad being around me and stayed away. Some thought I just needed to get over it. Some let long periods go before checking on me. While it hurt, I didn't blame them. I am grateful for the ones who did walk through it with me. I hope I can be that kind of friend.
I had a woman who asked to leave my small bible study group because of my depression. Mental illness does scare and it can alienate. I was one of the fortunate ones who had good help in the way of friends, a counselor and a psychiatrist. And I knew people were praying for me even though I didn't feel like discussing my personal life with them. But I still felt alienated.
I still struggle with some anxiety. I still take some medication. Maybe someday I won't. Or maybe I will. I'm okay with it either way. I don't see a counselor regularly but it helps to know she is there if I need her. And I love having a psychiatrist who doesn't see medication as the only answer, but seeks the Lord and realizes every case is individual.
In the book of Silver Linings Playbook, Bradley Cooper's character can't remember - or have any idea of time passing - since he was in the "bad place." I can relate. As I came out of my depression, I only had a vague idea of how long it had been. I knew it started shortly after a 5k. Steve had a trophy from that race with a date on it, so I was able to figure out how many years. I knew it started in winter. The rest is really a blur timewise. It was summer when I came out of it. I loved going to the Passion conferences and when I went back, I tried to figure out how many I had missed. It had been three years. I couldn't believe it.
I really feel like a different person having walked through that season. Stronger for sure. My friends say I'm more empathetic, compassionate. I probably am to a certain degree. I know I'm less judgmental and catch myself when I am. I know I'm more likely to stand up for myself and have come to hate the feeling of settling just for acceptance sake. I do care that I treat others with respect, and am respected.
Through it all, and what I would say to others struggling with depression and illness, is that I never turned away from the Lord. I got angry a few times, but I never denied he was with me and I never, ever felt deserted by him. He is still my closest friend, the first one I turn to. We've been through a lot together. There is no way I would ever deny how much Jesus means to me, or how real He is. On the days I could not get out of bed, there was a Holy Spirit in me that pushed me to sit up, to fight, to put my shoes on and get out the door to walk when even eating or showering seemed impossible. When the drugs I was on made all around me a blur, some days He was the only thing that made sense. He gave me a husband and sons who supported me. Someone to live for.
I know what it's like for those who have struggled like that. I pray for them. I hope my story will encourage them. Encourage you.
This is a beautiful song sung by Christy Nockels that we worshipped with last week at the Fellowship of Plum Creek. One I worshipped with often in my depression. I hope it blesses you. Peace.
https://itunes.apple.com/us/album/healing-is-in-your-hands/id377578222?i=377578278
http://www.katiecouric.com/on-the-show/2013/02/04/the-men-of-silver-linings-playbook/
There is a stigma about mental illness that really needs to go away. Looking back on the roughly two and a half years I struggled with major depression and anxiety (all while on about four medications), I can honestly say there were two friends out of a whole bunch of friends who didn't desert me. Some didn't know what to say. Some told me they got sad being around me and stayed away. Some thought I just needed to get over it. Some let long periods go before checking on me. While it hurt, I didn't blame them. I am grateful for the ones who did walk through it with me. I hope I can be that kind of friend.
I had a woman who asked to leave my small bible study group because of my depression. Mental illness does scare and it can alienate. I was one of the fortunate ones who had good help in the way of friends, a counselor and a psychiatrist. And I knew people were praying for me even though I didn't feel like discussing my personal life with them. But I still felt alienated.
I still struggle with some anxiety. I still take some medication. Maybe someday I won't. Or maybe I will. I'm okay with it either way. I don't see a counselor regularly but it helps to know she is there if I need her. And I love having a psychiatrist who doesn't see medication as the only answer, but seeks the Lord and realizes every case is individual.
In the book of Silver Linings Playbook, Bradley Cooper's character can't remember - or have any idea of time passing - since he was in the "bad place." I can relate. As I came out of my depression, I only had a vague idea of how long it had been. I knew it started shortly after a 5k. Steve had a trophy from that race with a date on it, so I was able to figure out how many years. I knew it started in winter. The rest is really a blur timewise. It was summer when I came out of it. I loved going to the Passion conferences and when I went back, I tried to figure out how many I had missed. It had been three years. I couldn't believe it.
I really feel like a different person having walked through that season. Stronger for sure. My friends say I'm more empathetic, compassionate. I probably am to a certain degree. I know I'm less judgmental and catch myself when I am. I know I'm more likely to stand up for myself and have come to hate the feeling of settling just for acceptance sake. I do care that I treat others with respect, and am respected.
Through it all, and what I would say to others struggling with depression and illness, is that I never turned away from the Lord. I got angry a few times, but I never denied he was with me and I never, ever felt deserted by him. He is still my closest friend, the first one I turn to. We've been through a lot together. There is no way I would ever deny how much Jesus means to me, or how real He is. On the days I could not get out of bed, there was a Holy Spirit in me that pushed me to sit up, to fight, to put my shoes on and get out the door to walk when even eating or showering seemed impossible. When the drugs I was on made all around me a blur, some days He was the only thing that made sense. He gave me a husband and sons who supported me. Someone to live for.
I know what it's like for those who have struggled like that. I pray for them. I hope my story will encourage them. Encourage you.
This is a beautiful song sung by Christy Nockels that we worshipped with last week at the Fellowship of Plum Creek. One I worshipped with often in my depression. I hope it blesses you. Peace.
https://itunes.apple.com/us/album/healing-is-in-your-hands/id377578222?i=377578278