brave hearts i know
Fear not, for I am with you; Be not dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, Yes, I will help you, I will uphold you with My righteous right hand. Isaiah 41:10
Not too long ago I was laying in my bed upstairs in my house, really nauseous from pain meds for yet another tooth complication. I was praying hard I could eat the saltines that laid next to me, so I could go join my family downstairs on a beautiful Sunday afternoon.
As I laid there, I heard the faint sounds of this song below. Tears welled up in my eyes. The music is so beautiful and to me it tells the story of the heart playing it down below on the piano. A heart of a boy who knows beauty in the sorrow, the hope of Glory.
Like any other parent who loves their children, I really don't care about my own pain as much as my child's. Ben has had an exceptional year of emotional pain, from feeling alone and scared, to stressed and tired. He has an hour long commute to a new school that we feel is the right place for him. He's in a small class that has tight bonds and not so sure they want anyone new.
I had lunch with him in the beginning of the year. He just sat and ate his sandwich, a small smile frozen on his face. He never entered in to the conversation around him. No one talked to him. Each morning the tears would come as I dropped him off in the car line. They came each night as he went to bed. You want so bad to take the pain away but there's nothing to do but pray and listen to Jesus as what to do next. And pray.
We got Ben some help from an amazing compassionate male counselor. A counselor handpicked by God who loves science fiction as much as Ben. And Ben is helping Ben. He watched a little movie called Forrest Gump around Christmas. He said quietly it was the best movie he's ever seen. He asked to go to Strait Music, and with Christmas gift card in hand, he found the piano music for this song, in a composition he could play.
He came home and found some instructions on youtube. And he mostly taught himself to play the first parts. Then he took it to his piano teacher and asked her to teach him the rest. He's playing it for his summer recital. The healing power of music.
I had lunch with Ben the other day. He's smiling more, a real smile, and he's learning how to make friends, something that comes naturally to some, and to this crazy smart boy, not so much. And the other kids are finding out there is something really special about this kid.
He has determination. He has bravery. And mostly he has Jesus.
At our church in our neighborhood, we are led in a community group by some amazing people, Justin and Nicole Konotopka. Nicole is one of those people I felt instantly close to, maybe it's because there is so much of Jesus inside her. Maybe it's the mischievous glint in her eye. Maybe it's because she calls me "Ann with an E".
Justin and Nicole are moving to Minnesota in 2 days. I went over to her house while she supervised the packing going on around her. I wanted to cry. I mostly did not. She is brave in the face of so much change. As I'm trying to help her and pray for her, she is trying to give to me. Literally. Know anyone like that? She is cleaning out her fridge and giving me what's they can't take. "I'll gnaw on this turkey leg and cry and think of you, " I tell her as she hands me a giant piece of frozen meat.
Justin and Nicole have four little kids, yet find time to lead out strongly in our church. Faithful in the little things. One of my favorite pastors, Nicky Gumbel, recently tweeted "If you want to know what someone is like, look at how they treat people who can do nothing for them." That is this couple.
Their youngest, McKenna, has some physical development issues that they have to take a day at a time. When she should be walking she is thinking she will just sit and be held, maybe crawl some. When she should be eating, she is thinking she would rather just lick ice cream cones. I told Nicole I think she is smarter than the rest of us.
As Nicole ran around her house, I stayed with McKenna in their master bedroom on the bed. I leaned over and looked deep into her intelligent eyes full of life and gave her a kiss. She responded by taking a monster grip on my hair and pulling herself up into a standing position. She blew bubbles and giggled.
Who knows the road ahead for the Konotopka family with McKenna, but Jesus. But Jesus. I know they will face it with bravery, with tears in their eyes and strong hearts as the wind hits them. And surrounded by the prayers of all who love them dearly.
For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11